I'm not necessarily trying to be funny, but it is true. When my clothes start to become too tight (which they are lately) I can always count on my flip flops to slide right on like perfect. If I feel down about how I look in a particular outfit I can at least look to my feet to be cute. I say all of this kind of in jest, but not completely. Really it is leading me to look at something more serious about my life and my health. Today is as good of a day as any to talk about what I have contemplating for quite a while now.
I'm 39 today...I can't believe it. When someone asks me my age I still feel like I should be saying 25 or something like that. This birthday has weighed on my mind more than any other so far (no pun intended). However, I am right now, the heaviest I have ever been in my life without being pregnant, and to be honest - it's getting pretty close to that number. It's time to do something about that. This is my last year in my 30's. I have been overweight this entire decade of my life. If you added up all the weight I have lost and gained back over these past 9 years it would add up to well over 100lbs. There is no telling how many 1000's of dollars I have spent on every diet plan in the book either. I haven't been able to find anything I can stick with. I don't have much confidence in my self control. I know what I need to do, but I don't do it. I have a masters degree for crying out loud. I have a $900 Elliptical machine I hardly use - I have to wipe the dust off it when I do use it. My mom and grandma are both thin - it's obviously not genetic. I have no excuses for why I have become so big, other than things that directly relate to my actions - like eating too much, being lazy, not getting enough sleep, etc.
For about the past month I have been trying to convince myself that I CAN do something I know I need to do. Some people make it look and sound so easy, (I wish it was easy) but it's not, for me anyway. I do not like to exercise and I like to eat large quantities of junk...however therein lies the problem...lol! Again, I know what I should do, but I don't do it.
So, tomorrow...as they say...is the first day of the rest of my life. It won't be easy, it won't be fun, it won't be quick. I'm probably gonna mess up a bunch; I'm probably gonna feel sorry for myself a lot - especially on days like today when there is free cake in the teacher's lounge. But...I am going to do what I need to do to be more healthy. I will be a better example for my daughters because I know they are watching me. I will plan and prepare for what I am going to eat before I eat it. I will be more mindful of what I put in my mouth and if I am really hungry or not.
My goal is to be healthier and lighter by the time I turn 40. I'm not exactly prepared to post numbers yet, but maybe as I have some small successes I will. I hope in this I can learn some things about myself to help me understand my lack of self discipline. I hope I can become a better person all the way around. I hope I can have more energy to play with the girls and just be a better mom and wife. I hope I can use this blog for accountability and to help me work out thoughts and emotions through this process. I hope it helps me stay on track. Anyway... that's probably enough for now - thanks for reading.
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